Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
