All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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