she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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