Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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