It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
