Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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