At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize