you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I will be naked everywhere
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
