Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
