the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
