I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
