This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
