I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
