I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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