That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
