Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
