3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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