"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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