The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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