i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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