A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize