sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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