margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
