Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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