glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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