Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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