Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
