He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
