dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
