You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
