It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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