I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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