I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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