I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
