wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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