She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
