SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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