I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
