I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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