youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
