I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize