Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
