i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
