I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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