Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
