You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this will be a night to untag.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
