Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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