Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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