He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
