Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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