I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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