Plan B is the new Plan A
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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