It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize