no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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