the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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