he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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