Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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