I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
