I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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