If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
