i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
