Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
