Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
