I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
