See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
