Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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