i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize