she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
