i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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