I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
