Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
