Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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