Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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