Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
