my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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