It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
