Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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