Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize