sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How's work?
Spinning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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