hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
