I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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